Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
