So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
