conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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