My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
