When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
