At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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