I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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