if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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