Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
