You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
