Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
