$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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