Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
