just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize