Yo dont text me then not text me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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