it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
