youre lurking in front of me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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