I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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