Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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