If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
