There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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