hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
