my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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