I can text with my tongue
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
