Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
