It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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