Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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