Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
