Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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