I am midnight drunk by noon
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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