im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
