i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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