Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
