so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
