im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
