I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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