the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
