Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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