Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
