Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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