i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
