My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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