God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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