I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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