Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
not ubering you a puppy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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