Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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