Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
