so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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