she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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