I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
