I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
