Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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