very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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