i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As shirtless as possible
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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