lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
