Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
