is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
