I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you had me at cake vodka
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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