That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
