Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
