So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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