dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
