So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
