dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
