Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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