Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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