fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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