hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
