Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
