oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There r osticjed everywhere
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
