I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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