i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the liver wants what the liver wants
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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