NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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