Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
