I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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