Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
