Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
