I can't watch pbs sober anymore
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
